I was going to blog about my experience with Hep C therapy. I found it very depressing, so I didn’t want to write about it. So I have neglected my blog. But now I will have to change my blog name. Therapy is over. And it was a failure. The virus has grown resistant to the medicine. So I am not cured, and there isn’t any other treatment.
Now I have to wait, and see if anything new comes down the pike in the next few years. That sucks.
I have been living at home, with my mother and her husband. That has been hard, too much old baggage has come back to haunt me.
I hope to move back to Alaska, where my sons are. But until that far away time I am going to get a job. And I am going to blog about things that really interest me. I didn’t want to discuss politics or any of the other things that stir people up. But damn I can’t even comment on Facebook these days without causing a dust-up. So you know I’m just going to go for it. Who knows I might get hate mail.
Today I said goodbye to a very dear friend. Tammy Zeedyk passed away last week, today the people who loved her laid her to rest. The service was simple and moving. And surprisingly I feel better this evening. I know that I will still cry and I will miss her terribly, but the past door has closed. The move on door has opened.
Going through the ceremonies that are connected with death really are important. Until today I really didn’t understand that. Grieving in a group, connected with people who also feel the same as you do. It does bring some kind of closure. I didn’t have that with my father. There was no funeral or memorial service. And it doesn’t really feel like he is gone. That door to the past is still slightly ajar.
Tammy and I were the best of friends when our children were young. Now those children are young adults. Her children have little kids of their own. She has 6 grandchildren. It did me good to hug each of her children, and to share their grief. I didn’t want to leave them. I just wanted to try to protect them. I wanted to pamper them, and feed them. And not leave them alone. The same way their mother would.
In later years we were not as close as we had been. I moved away to Alaska for a few years. She had lived to a time with my ex husband.
Once I moved back to Kansas, I was determined to find Tammy and be friends again. I chose to forgive her for dumping our friendship and taking up with my ex. How could I do that? Because I missed my friend. I missed the fun we had, I missed her laugh. I really missed her jokes. She was so incredibly funny. I chose to forgive and get my friend back. I chose not to be bitter, and to move on. I chose to be happy, and share it with her.
Tonight I am content with that decision. Today I was able to show her one last kindness. Today I was able to say goodbye.
After fighting cancer for two years my father passed away today. We all knew it was coming. But I always hoped maybe somehow he would defeat it.
When I saw him the last time about a month ago, I barely recognized him. He had always been a large man, six feet tall and walked with a John Wayne swagger. A hard fighting, hard-drinking Irishman from Kansas City, Missouri. He had been reduced to a small old man, who couldn’t get out of bed. He struggled to stay awake, because he wanted to see his daughters.
I don’t have many memories of him. My parents divorced when I was 6. And for most my childhood from the time I was 9 until I was 20 I never saw him. Then one day he just found us, my sister and me. And after that we would see each other every few years. I’d call on the Father’s day and Christmas.
I may not have visited him often, I always knew he was out there. All I had to do was call him. Drive my kids down to see him. Now he won’t be there. I will miss his funny stories of being an other the road truck driver. He was funny, and could tell a great tale. I remember laughing so hard, I couldn’t breath.
He is survived by my step-mom Shirley. I admire the way she look care of him the last two years. She’s a great lady.
On our last visit I got to tell him I loved him. He held out hands and didn’t want to let us go. I left knowing I would never see him again. Gratified that he was comforted by his daughters coming to see him.
Today I met with the nurse practitioner to learn how to give myself a shot. I had already looked it up so I didn’t learn anything I hadn’t already covered. Even though she was very informative, she told me nothing I didn’t already know.
The really sad part of the visit, is we talked most about how I was going to pay for all this.
So far I feel tired and I am getting a slight rash. But I know this reprieve won’t last long. Besides I have written on my blog two days in a row. Win for me.
I have neglected my blog for a few months. I’ve been in shock since late September when I found out I had Hepatitis C. Don’t know how I got it, and it really doesn’t matter at this point. Then I found out how much treatment is going to cost. Even with insurance my part would have been $7,000 a month. Yes, there are three zeros behind that seven.
Since I have a crap job, with no money. I don’t have to pay for the medicine after all. But I will end up paying for the twice a month blood tests, after my insurance maxes out.
Tomorrow is the day I am going to start treatment. From all I have read and from what my doctor says it will be awful. You know it is bad when the doctor says “its rough, are you ready for this?” Well,do I have a choice?
I plan on blogging about this and other things as I feel able. It will give me something to focus on besides wanting to throw up. I made no promises but I hope to write at least once a week.
Not that long ago President Obama gave a speech and told us to contact our Representative and tell them what we thought about the deficit fight. And I did. And that put me on his email list. To my surprise just a few days ago I got another email, asking my opinion on jobs and how to make more of them.
I am from the Kansas First District. My representative is Congressman Tim Huelskamp. He is Tea Party through and through. And the one time I saw him on the Rev. Al Sharpton’s show I was embarrassed. The survey he sent did impress me.
It asked three questions. It asks how I thought the budge should be balanced and gave a list of options to choose from. They included a balanced budge amendment, cutting entitlements , cuts in defense and non-defense spending and raising taxes for everyone or just for the rich. It was a good list. The choices covered most the options that we hear about.
Then it asked a question that surprised me. If I thought another round of stimulus would hurt or help the economy. I was surprised that someone like Congressman Huelskamp would even think to ask that question.
Then the last question asked if I wanted to President in his upcoming speech to ask for more federal stimulus to fund job creation. A simple yes or no answer. That surprised me too. It makes me wonder if he is actually considering for more stimulus, or is the Congressman just making as show of listening to his constituents.
I filled out the survey and sent it in. I am considering forwarding it to my relatives, and having them fill it out too. I don’t know if he will really take into consideration any feedback that does not agree with his ideals. I am just happy that he asked. Makes me feel that maybe my opinion is a little important.