Domestic Violence – A Sister’s View.

My first day of blogging and I take on a hard topic. Am I nuts?  No, just a worried big sister.  Right now as I write this my sister is once again in danger from her abusive ex-husband. Please note the EX part of ex-husband.  She had been divorced from him for almost 10 years. 

For all those years she has had to look over her shoulder, made sure her doors and car were always locked.  And for 10 years he has gotten away with making her life a living hell.  Sure he does have a few felony convictions for criminal threats against him. But they matter for little after he finished his probation.

Here is my question, how long does someone have to be divorced before it is no long a domestic situation. When does it become just some wack job threatening another person.  The police still consider this a domestic situation because they had been married once.

Plus he is smart.   Very mean and evil and smart.  He now uses throw away phones.  The same one drug dealers used.  Can’t be traced to him.  He sends hateful text messages to my sister.  Written in such a way that the threat is there, but just benign enough not to violate any laws.  He calls her every hour of the day or night, and then hangs up.  Why doesn’t she change her number. She did.  He sneaked the number off of one of  their grown children’s cell phones when no one was looking.  How many times does she have to change her life, because he can’t get a grip?

Recently my sister decided after 10 long, scary, lonely years to start dating again.  He recently found out.  Now we are waiting for the other shoe to drop.  He has started by getting the phone number of the person she is seeing, and threatening him with “war”.    The police can not do anything, though they admit he is the one behind the phone calls and text messages.

And what can I do?  When I lived with her in Kansas,all I could do was watch her back.  There were two pairs of eyes instead of  just one. But that didn’t stop him. He still messed with her car and cost us $700 to get it fixed.  So much for locking gas caps.  Over the years he has shot out her windows 3 times and sliced her tires more times than I can count. 

Now I am in Alaska, all I can do is give my support and worry.  I don’t understand why people like this can’t be stopped, and how he keeps getting away with terrorizing her.  Why no one thinks its important because she once was young and married the wrong man?  Why do the police make her feel like she is a fault when she reports it.  And if she doesn’t report it, they make her feel at fault for not calling them.   She can’t win. The only person winning is the crazy ass hole, the nut case control freak. 

It is very scary waiting on the sidelines while someone I love is in danger.  What does this is war mean?  Can’t be anything good.

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One thought on “Domestic Violence – A Sister’s View.

  1. Hi, Pam! I got your message about your blog in my email box and decided to check it out.

    Wow. heavy subject. One I, too, have lived through. My dad was a psychopath, also. Can’t tell you how horrible my mom’s life was with him, us kids too, and even after she divorced the bastard, he stalked her and tried running her over with his car. One time, shortly after I was married, and I was letting her stay with me and my new husband, he came over and tried to force his way into MY apartment. It took my husband AND me to close the door on him before he could get into our home. He’s dead now, has been for many years, and no one misses him. He was a violent, abusive, sick individual while he was alive. The reason men like this get away with it is because the police are men. I remember one time, my mom called the cops and they showed up and the fat smirking pig who was a policeman asked her what she’d done to cause him to hit her. I live in CT and about twenty years ago, there was a well publicized event in a small town, Torrington, here in CT. The woman, Tracy Thurman, was married to a violent, abusive man, who had tried to kill her on many occasions. She had called the police again and again, only to be blown off. Then came the day when her estranged husband attacked her and violently stabbed and beat her almost to death…….http://www.randijames.com/2008/08/fourteenth-amendment-tracy-thurman.html read about it here. She sued the town and the police force and won. But, as you and your sister’s experiences have shown, what and how much impact was really made on this ongoing outrage. Perhaps this is a cause that you and your sister can champion, and in so doing, she will be empowered AND find an answer to finally get justice against this monster. Please feel free to email me if you wish!
    Congratulations on your blog and I am bookmarking it for future returns!

    hugs,
    ex sis, Terri

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