Today I said goodbye to a very dear friend. Tammy Zeedyk passed away last week, today the people who loved her laid her to rest. The service was simple and moving. And surprisingly I feel better this evening. I know that I will still cry and I will miss her terribly, but the past door has closed. The move on door has opened.
Going through the ceremonies that are connected with death really are important. Until today I really didn’t understand that. Grieving in a group, connected with people who also feel the same as you do. It does bring some kind of closure. I didn’t have that with my father. There was no funeral or memorial service. And it doesn’t really feel like he is gone. That door to the past is still slightly ajar.
Tammy and I were the best of friends when our children were young. Now those children are young adults. Her children have little kids of their own. She has 6 grandchildren. It did me good to hug each of her children, and to share their grief. I didn’t want to leave them. I just wanted to try to protect them. I wanted to pamper them, and feed them. And not leave them alone. The same way their mother would.
In later years we were not as close as we had been. I moved away to Alaska for a few years. She had lived to a time with my ex husband.
Once I moved back to Kansas, I was determined to find Tammy and be friends again. I chose to forgive her for dumping our friendship and taking up with my ex. How could I do that? Because I missed my friend. I missed the fun we had, I missed her laugh. I really missed her jokes. She was so incredibly funny. I chose to forgive and get my friend back. I chose not to be bitter, and to move on. I chose to be happy, and share it with her.
Tonight I am content with that decision. Today I was able to show her one last kindness. Today I was able to say goodbye.